I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
