Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Who wears a wallet chain?!
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Randomize
