dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
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