Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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