Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
