Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Mom said you looked used
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Randomize
