I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
