i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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