Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize