It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
