I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
