I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
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The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
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