Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Randomize
