the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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