I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
