There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
