meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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