awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
