I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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