could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
