im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
