therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
