I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
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