I'm jealous of your bromance
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
