Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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