it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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