We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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