I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
