"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
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