the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
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And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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