you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
