wanna go halves on a baby?
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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