Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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