hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Someone came in the potted fern
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
