so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Randomize
