I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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