just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
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