The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
tell me about the fingering
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