Just mADE A PArabola og urine
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
