i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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