I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
