census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
