I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Randomize
