AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
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