The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
