he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
