I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
barbara walters just said penis...
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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