Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
‪Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best. ‬
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
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