At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
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i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
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Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
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