i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Randomize
