I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Randomize
