The maid of honor just puked.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
