Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
