My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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