apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
