Having a random hookup so left but love u
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
