Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
