Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
