You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
