You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Randomize
