I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
