Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
