I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
