sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Randomize
