Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I think pants incapable of making pants work
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
