Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
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