so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Randomize
