so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
