I murdered the dance floor call the cops
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
