Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
