Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Randomize
