the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
