Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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