The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
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