i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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