just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
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