I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
