I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Randomize
